Because I know he loves me back

I heard a radio sound bite of a young girl who was hysterical about getting tickets to the Justin Bieber concert. You could barely understand what she was saying through the sobbing about how much she wanted to go. When she was asked why she wanted to go so badly and why she loved Justin Bieber so much, she replied, "Because I know he loves me back."

Hard to figure how she knows this with such certainty. Hard to figure how a pop singer she's only heard on the radio and seen on TV could love her back.

But she probably meant maybe because it's so obvious that he loves what he does and maybe has a certain innocence to his love of music that it comes through as love of his fans.

I wonder if I love what I'm doing so much that it assures the people I serve in ministry that I love them too.

I wonder if people will have such a strong desire to show up at the next small group I'm in or sign up for the next mission trip I'm on or come to the next ministry team I'm a part of because they are so certain that I love them back.

I wonder if I love what I do that much.

Be confrontational

In some cultures, saying

I'm just not confrontational

means

I'm just not willing to show how much I care.

In these cultures, showing how much you care can't happen unless you are willing to and be aware of when to and not be afraid to be present after confronting someone (including yourself).

It's not a badge of honor or an acceptable excuse for abdicating leadership.

Your willingness to be confrontational in the ministry culture might be the difference between a dissenting voice (a healthy difference of opinion that will make the final result better) and a toxic person (who sees those they are "serving" in leadership as ungrateful obstacles to overcome and their ministry as "to do" items to check off a list).

Dissenters who aren't recognized and appreciated with:

I know how you feel, I used to feel the exact same way, but let me tell you what I have found...

or a little bit of:

I know you don't realize this, but when you raise your voice or cut me off, or say I'm wrong,

it makes me feel like you don't value my work or appreciate our contribution, or understand the constraints I work under...

become toxic.

And then you're spending all your time:

in guerilla warfare management, bully battles, and trips to the head of the organization's office because she's:

hearing stuff.

So if the word has negative conotations for us, let's pick our favorite synonym and be

compelling or willing to face

so that we can

• face up to and deal with (a problem or difficult situation) :

we knew we couldn't ignore the race issue and decided we'd confront it head on.

What? You gotta problem with that?

A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson

A Return to Love

by Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate,

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?"

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people

won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It is in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give

other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear our presence

automatically liberates others.

8-18-1800

If you want to make a decision, keep the group to 8 or so. If you have fewer or just make the decision by yourself, you're asking for second guessing; not to mention the lack of buy in you'll have.

If you want to do some brainstorming, keep the number around 18 or so. Otherwise good ideas won't make it to the table and you'll have confusing rabbit trails that will lose people.

If you want to push an idea, go for 1800 or as many as you want to.

The challenges?

Part of the problem is we don't know what some (alot?) of the meeting we go to are for. Are they decision making, brainstorming, or idea pushing? It doesn't make any more sense to have an idea push to 3 people than it does to have a decision making meeting with 1800 people. 3 people is OK as long as it's an idea exchange.

Probably the only opportunity that we'll have for the 1800 people is in a worship situation. But don't sweat getting you idea pushed across during worship because it most likely won't be a idea at that point it'll be a distraction.

So. Be it resolved. We'll try to determine what the purpose of meeting more often and then understand if we are set for failure (brainstorming with forty people or idea push to three) and we'll be realistic about where we spend most of our time and energy. (Probably with the 8 and the 18). And the 1800 will often take care of themselves.

8-18-1800 rule courtesy Nick Morgan, Running Meetings

Adrian

I had an issue with my computer recently that required a call to the technical support line.

The problem had to do with a few key programs not working at all and I shared with the first person who helped me that I first noticed a possible red flag when my computer starting seeming sluggish.

I worked with a few of the first liners and they made a some of the standard suggestions- shut down and restart, check on another log in to see if it's hardware or software. I had already done that. So I was assigned a case I.D. and figured it would be a longer process than I hoped and maybe even require taking the computer in for repair.

I made my way up to a senior advisor. (Strangely, every time I called in after trying what the online support advisor told me to do and gave them my case number, they referred to my problem as "computer acting sluggish". That was a symptom, not the problem. But anyway...)

I was told to do software updates. No help.

Called back- told to do a disk repair. No help.

Called back, got right through to a senior advisor and was told the next step was to do a OS reinstall.

Did that. No help. Called back.

Told to do an software update for the reinstall because the reinstall undid the previous update.

No help.

Was told the next step would be to do an erase and restore. Hummmm. Are you sure? None of this by-the-book-stuff seems to be helping. (And I had about 6 hours invested so far.)

And then I was put through to another senior advisor and then things changed.

Adrian came on the phone. "Hello, this is Adrian."

He took the time to find out the nature of the problem. Not sluggish: shutting down.

He quickly determined (with some degree of frustration) that an erase and restore wouldn't do any good either. "It's clearly not that type of problem."

So we did some trouble shooting ("I don't know why they didn't do this the first time", said Adrian).

We turned some stuff off and back on. We moved stuff around. We tried by the book stuff and then stuff Adrian "just seemed to know about". "Huh, that's weird, well ok then let's try this--no help, well ok, it's got to be something with..." Adrian said a time or two.

And after about an hour together, Adrian was able to isolate the problem and get everything working.

Adrian redeemed his company and the company's brand. He made all those dramatic product launches seem not so over the top ridiculous.

He made me glad I had the problem. So that I could work with him to find the solution.

I edited the company's online support number in my address book and listed Adrian as the person name associated with the company and listed his direct line and extension. I'm not sure if I can call him or not directly for future issues, but I'll sure try. I may even call him, hope to get his voice mail and tell him about how he did something slick product launches, clever marketing, and apps that can remotely turn your lights off can't do.

He made me believe in humanity again.

So. I have to ask myself in the days since. Am I ready to be an Adrian?

Can I do with "faith work" what he did in online tech support?

Or will I just continue to hope for a better turnout at the ministry team meeting?

I will become an Adrian. Let me know when I not heading in that direction.

You've got my direct line.

craigslist for churches

I came across a program that was described as a craigslist for churches. People in your church have stuff to give and people in your church need stuff. This would be a efficient, painless way to bring the two together.

It sounded good until I opened an actual craigslist account.

I listed my item at what I thought was a good price and the responses came in- pretty early and often.

It looked really promising.

Then I noticed a pattern of people with heart warming stories about how this person or that person has been wanting to give an item like the one I listed to a niece or a daughter in a far away land. They'll even me more than my asking price if I'll ship it somewhere.

And a lot of people wanted to know about the item and that they were interested and then they got my hopes up and I never heard from them again.

And in all honesty, I wasn't very considerate to get back with people when I didn't want to deal with them or thought I had a better offer from somewhere else.

Craigslist works, I'm pretty sure. But it takes a lot of the "friction" out of selling stuff. And it seems to take some of the integrity out of the buyer-seller relationship.

A disclaimer that comes through with every offer from a potential buyer reads:

** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html

And so I wondered what the craigslist for churches advisory would look like:

** CRAIGSLIST FOR CHURCHES ADVISORY --- AVOID MANIPULATION BY DEALING HEART TO HEART
** Avoid: doing something out of an empty sense of obligation, signing up out of guilt, making up for your unhappiness by trying to "give something back", develop giver-receiver relationships, fail to develop deep, trusting relationships, "Sunday school answers", worshipping a God that allows himself to be fully understood by you.
** Beware: people who are trying to put butts in seats, people who are interested in only giving and not receiving or only receiving and not giving, having to have everything in place and understood before you strike a course, indisputable answers.
** More Info: Your core understanding of truth and beauty (prayer)

Anyway: here's to discovering your true self, your faith in God, and connection with others as inefficiently as possible.

Bring on the friction.

Can you limit the number of groups you disappoint?

You can if you determine who sets the expectations for you to meet or fail to meet.

Only you ultimately can please yourself. Only you can really set the standard to which you will work, love, and lead.

You may find yourself failing to live up to the expectations put upon you as a student, a husband, a child of God, a director of ministry, a daughter, or a friend.

How many different sets of expectations can you realistically not live up to before you shut down or climb up in a tower or start just going through the motions to get through another day?

Try to cut back on how many different people you are trying to make happy.

Especially the ones that are really only happy when they are unhappy.

Your critics are people who are paid (usually through some weird personal satisfaction they get when you make them unhappy) to dislike what you are doing.

Trying to do what they like won't make them happy. Even if you succeed, it'll really only disappoint them.

And then you'll be unhappy giving people what they want only to make them disappointed.

Better to figure out what you want and then provide value by exceeding the expectations of people who want that same thing.

Everybody else will actually enjoy their disappointment.

And no one will ever have to say about you:

He seemed so quiet. I never expected him to do anything like this...

Science, religion, and my soul

[for me]:

Science and religion are the same thing.

A set of agreed upon rules about how things work. Some more empirical; some more traditional.

Science says the earth is flat, religion says it's flat.

Science says it's round. Religions says it's flat.

Religion says it's round.

Science says it's getting warmer. Religion says it isn't.

Science says it isn't, but it has before and will again. Religion says it is.

We evolved. We didn't. It's a disease: it's a sin, time is linear: it's curved.

There are rules and this is what they are.

If you believe this, this will happen. If you believe that, that will happen.

What is different, however, is something I'll call my soul.

I know if best. I've have constant feedback on it since I started. It's what's most different, where the most difference can be made.

Why don't I spend more time allowing it (what is most different) to:

engage with other souls

and

explore what's different

instead of what I do:

figure out what the rules (what is more the same) are

and

become more indifferent

Who needs who

A friend is trying to find his way to a career. He is energetic, fun to be around, loves physical fitness and has a intuitive understanding how the body works. He has a way of making whatever you are doing more enjoyable because he's doing it with you.

Someone in the medical field recommended that he go to a program to become a Physical Therapist's Assistant. Good money, not too much school required, and a good temporary career or long term career.

"The medical field needs him: he can motivate people to get better," someone mused.

Does the ministry need us? Do we bring a special set of skills and capabilities to the table that are essential to motivate people to grow in their discipleship (to get better)?

Sometimes it seems more like we are on an episode of Survivor. Our job is to outwit, outplay, outlast the people we are supposed to serve. But, you know, it's a job.

We sometimes fail to let people get to know (trust) us. And our first impression is always that they don't understand what we are trying to do as leaders and we end up resenting (not trusting) them.

Oh, to be 19 again with opportunities to live out our greatest joy with the world's greatest hunger (vocation).

What would we do differently?

Should we start over (start living)?