Bent forks on burn out

It's difficult to use a fork with a bent tine because it hurts and it's hard to control the food you are trying to eat with it.  Chances are a fork is bent because it was used for something it wasn't designed to be used for.

I thought that was a pretty good metaphor for burn out.

Burn out can also be characterized as what happens when someone's efforts don't seem to matter or people don't notice how they matter.

The folks we are leading in discipleship:

Are they fulfilling their passions and their needs, wants, and desires (of course- within the community's stated expectations of how it is fulfilling God's mission) or are do we have them filling a slot which is slowly bending their tines?

How do they know that their efforts, needs, wants, and desires are recognized, appreciated, and are activating and inspiring others to grow in relationship to one another, Christ, and their needs, wants, and desires placed in them by God?

Or:

Do they seem bent?

Pick One

club  [kluhb]  Show IPA noun, verb, clubbed, club⋅bing,adjective

–noun

1.

a heavy stick, usually thicker at one end than at the other, suitable for use as a weapon; a cudgel.

2.

a group of persons organized for a social, literary, athletic, political, or other purpose: They organized a computer club.

3.

the building or rooms occupied by such a group.

4.

an organization that offers its subscribers certain benefits, as discounts, bonuses, or interest, in return for regular purchases or payments: a book club; a record club; a Christmas club.

5.

Sports.

a.

a stick or bat used to drive a ball in various games, as golf.

b.

Indian club.

6.

a nightclub or cabaret: Last night we went to all the clubs in town.

7.

a black trefoil-shaped figure on a playing card.

8.

a card bearing such figures.

9.

clubs, (used with a singular or plural verb) the suit so marked: Clubs is trump. Clubs are trump.

10. club sandwich.

11 Nautical.

a. a short spar attached to the end of a gaff to allow the clew of a gaff topsail to extend beyond the peak of the gaff.

b. a short spar attached to the truck of a mast to support the upper part of a club topsail.

c. clubfoot (def. 3).

clique  [kleek, klik]  Show IPA noun, verb, cliqued,cli⋅quing.

–noun

1. a small, exclusive group of people; coterie; set.

–verb (used without object)

2. Informal. to form, or associate in, a clique.

com⋅mu⋅ni⋅ty  [kuh-myoo-ni-tee] 

–noun, plural -ties.

1. a social group of any size whose members reside in a specific locality, share government, and often have a common cultural and historical heritage.

2. a locality inhabited by such a group.

3. a social, religious, occupational, or other group sharing common characteristics or interests and perceived or perceiving itself as distinct in some respect from the larger society within which it exists (usually prec. by the): the business community; the community of scholars.

4. a group of associated nations sharing common interests or a common heritage: the community of Western Europe.

5. Ecclesiastical. a group of men or women leading a common life according to a rule.

6. Ecology. an assemblage of interacting populations occupying a given area.

7. joint possession, enjoyment, liability, etc.: community of property.

8. similar character; agreement; identity: community of interests.

9. the community, the public; society: the needs of the community.

What to tell someone as they prepare to die

My wife is a better LID than I am.  I base that on the fact that she has had one person request her to be the one that take them off of their ventilator and be present as they  die.  She has also had another patient's child call her and put her on speaker phone in her mother's room as she was prepared to go off the ventilator.  The patient's child wanted her to speak a few words to her unconscious mother in the waning moments of her life.  

That's one more of each than I have ever had.

My wife is a respiratory therapist, but obviously does more than that.

I am a director of program, but I hope I do more than that.  

Whatever position you serve as a leader in discipleship, I suppose you too do more than whatever that is.

So, anyway, I asked my wife what words she spoke to the lady's dying mother:

That it was an honor to care for her.  And that she appreciated the insights into life, love, and loss she gained from her during the time she spent with her in her illness.  Apparently she rode in an ambulance with her with sirens blaring and lights flashing one time.  She shared with her how exciting that particular experience was that they shared together.

I wonder what I would say to someone who I cared for in a leadership role of discipleship as they were to die.

Would I be able to say that it was an honor to care for them?  To share with them?  To serve with them?  To live with them? To express what I had learned about my relationship to God because of my time with them?  To talk about that exciting time that we shared together?

What would you say?

What's next?

You've just joined a faith community (a church, let's say).

What are you going to do now?

Find out how to get plugged in, right? To take it to the next level.

So.  You would want to know what's going on.

And you would want to find a small group to be a part of, right?

Should all of those small groups be communities?

Are clubs OK?

Do we concentrate on identifying and activating communities?

So... What is a community?

It's:

Porous

Voluntary

Requires something of you- wants your skin in the game

Seeks happiness for others as a requisite for your happiness

Is always on the look out for people to join it

Knows its cause

Has ways for members to connect with each other, its leader, and its cause

Has a leader

Practices Radical Hospitality

Members realize they are part of something bigger than itself

Aware of the needs, gifts, abilities of those who seek to be a part of the community

Has an identity

What characteristic would you add to the list?

Show them how much you care

The Blue Sweater by Jacqueline Novogratz is heartbreakingly beautiful for folks interested in leading in discipleship for its honesty, beauty, and clarity.  In one memorable passage, Ms. Novogratz describes a the turning point in the micro finance business she starts with a few native African entrepreneurs.  It came to their attention that a rice trader who borrowed money from them was not very intent on repaying the loan.  The African partner explained what they should do.  "We have to show them how much we care." So they went by the rice trader's home and let her know they weren't going to let her off easy.

It took guts, but it changed things.  So: how do you show the people who look to you for leadership in becoming more Christ-like that you care?

Clear communication?

Empowerment in decisions about vision and strategy?

Honest opportunities for failure?

Sacrifice of excellence for a culture of excellence?

A phone call when an email would do?

A dinner at your house when a cup of coffee would suffice?

Prayers along with memos?

A note about something they did that they didn't know they did?

A difficult conversation?

A willingness to say: "It might be time for a new opportunity?"

Permission?

Clear expectations?

Defined responsibilities?

Forgiveness?

Tolerance?

Respect?

Love?

Defining the Cause?

"Today wasn't a good day.  Tomorrow will be better?"

Coaching?

Teachable spirit?

"I noticed that you..."?

"When you_________________ I feel __________________"?

"No"?

"I was just returning your call..."?

"FYI"?

"I thought you might want to know..."?

"Let me tell you my thinking right now about that:"?

"I know how you feel.  I felt that way too.  Let me tell you what I found"?

Just curious.

Lead, manage, liaison, follow, get out of the way, but prepare for frustration

There is a saying that has to do with lead, follow, or get out of the way that might be causing confusion.  There really should be some voice inside of us that reminds us that the situation you are in may call for leadership or it may call for management or it may call for being a good liaison, or it may call for following or it may call for getting out of the way.  It will usually call for frustration it we don't have some discernment about which one we decide to do.

If you consider yourself a leader in discipleship then you are going to have to take ownership of relationships.  That means that you have, at least, an obligation to those involved in the relationship something more than cursory "handling".

If you decide that as much as you like to think that Discipleship is at the center of what you do, but you just don't think the recognition, the event, or the ministry/program function is worth your ownership and direct involvement, at least make sure it's managed properly.

Don't mistake middling leadership for good management and don't think that what you are really doing is leadership when you are just trying to manage something or that you think somebody else is supposed to be managing it for you.

Options (The trick is to know which one you are doing):

Lead.  Take a personal involvement in the community you are growing in discipleship with. What happens with the event is your personal deal.  You are the face of it.  You own it.  If something goes wrong you say: "I messed up.  I am sorry I wasted your time.  I will not do it again."  If something goes right say: "I didn't really do much.  It was..."

Manage.  Know who is doing what and make sure they do it at the level that is expected.  "This is what we are supposed to be doing.  Don't screw it up."

Be a liaison.  Know who is doing what and get them connected.  "That's not my station."

Be frustrated.  What's your favorite curse word?

Follow.  Join the F.I.D.s filling in.

Get out of the way.  True strength lies in gentleness.

How do you decide when to do which?  How often do you decide?

Treats and Tricks

In trying to populate an audience for an event, a brainstorming session yielded a bad idea in a no bad idea zone.  That's how bad it was.  Why don't we make the event a volunteer appreciation?  We could have our volunteers and leaders come out and hear the group.  That way the group has an audience and the volunteers are appreciated.

Win Win!

One problem our colleague commented.  It's not like the event is really going to be a treat for anyone.

1.  Thank you for your honesty.  Because there is nothing worse than offering a treat and having it turn out to be some calculated, manipulated trick.

2.  How much of what we offer is a treat?  How much a trick? And how much an obligation that we feel pretty sure people will "do"?

3.  Do we really recycle just because we want to feel better about ourselves without really having to change our lives?

4.  Why do we feel compelled to populate audiences for events?

5.  What if we understood value (treat factor) better?

Ego

I think I kind of know what the ego is.  Is it good.  Is it bad?  Part of God's plan?

Dallas Willard in The Great Omission describes Living in the Vision of God as being void of us "carrying the load" and that "our ego is not involved in any way."

I think it's disingenuous to think that our need to achieve and contribute and to matter doesn't enter into the equation.  Maybe ideally it shouldn't.

Or maybe by God's design it should.  

Harold Kushner describes our self image as an out-of focus photograph, two slightly blurred images instead of one clear one.  "Much of our lives, much of our energy will be devoted to closing the gap between the longings of our soul and the scoldings of our conscience, between the too-often conflicting needs for assurance of knowing that we are good and the satisfaction of being told that we are important," he writes in Living a Life that Matters.

So as you lead in discipleship: is your ego involved?  Is your work the work of two blurry images or are you trying to leave your ego out?  

Which approach works better for you?