violins, cd players, juice, and wafers

A minister friend shared a story with me about the importance of honoring members of his church tasked with leadership in ministry.

It seems a group had asked him to serve communion for participants of an activity of theirs.

My friend was checking off in his head all the things he needed to do: Get the wafers, set out the juice, find a cup...

And then he realized that the person on the committee responsible for setting up for Communion was the one who should set up for Communion.

And so instead of just doing it himself, he allowed the responsible person to do it.

It would have been easier for him to just do it. One less phone call, one less thing to worry about- whether the person would forget it or not do it properly.

Lot's of things are that way. It's easier for the minister or the staff member to just do something because it's more trouble to have the volunteer do it.

But we don't honor them when we just take care of the task.

And sometimes we realize that the volunteer takes the task more seriously than we do.

And performs it with more honor that we often do.

The author and theologian Marva Dawn compares it to the choice you face when you child says they want to learn how to make music.

You can give them a cd player and have perfect music every time. Or you can give them a violin and they'll spend the rest of their lives developing relationships.

And you can prepare the juice and the wafers yourself and have juice and wafers. Or you can make the call to the person who prepares the juice and the wafers and spend the rest of your life developing relationships.

Is one of them more holy?

It sure must be difficult to work with me

I was thinking about how difficult and essential it is to let folks know that time after time they do things that cause grief in my life.

The conversation seems to be the same- I know you didn't mean for it to, but when you did this, it really seemed out of line or not professionally courteous. Then there's an apology and some hurt feelings and awkwardness. And then it happens again.

Which has me considering a strategy change.

Maybe I have to realize: that's how folks are and chances are they're not going to change because I have trouble understanding and appreciating their motivation and their inability to work within parameters that I call "professional courtesy".

Self-examination and self-correction provide the context for merciful correction.

Sounds like something out of the Bible.

So:

I realize how hard it must be for you to work with me. I seem to not care too much about the right answer or the final product. I'm more into the process. I like to put something on the board. Not the right something or the best something. Something. A prototype. And then I like to take an inventory of stake holders and see where some of their ideas are on the board. And then move along to something else that's a little different. And then repeat the process.

In your get-it-right,- get-it-done,-make-it-happen-and-check-it-off-world; that has to be maddening. I appreciate your patience. Would it help if I could do more seeking to understand what you think the destination is? Maybe that way I could at least be aware of it while I'm enjoying the journey so much?

I really think everything we as an organization do has someone responsible for leading it. And everyone on our team has someone responsible for serving them in leadership. I try not to sacrifice the empowerment and responsibilities of those leaders by circumventing or ignoring the leadership they are tasked with in order to get to the right solution faster.

You must feel like you are empowered to overstep and disregard these leadership responsibilities for the sake of making the organization better. I just can't operate that way and I'm not going to try. So I'll have to figure out what to do when you do that. Any pointers? If it's my stuff I can try to "swallow my pride" and decide that allowing you get into my kitchen (whether I invite you in or not) will ultimately make a better dinner. I know, though, it's making me seem distant and aloof. I'll try to be present even in this. One thing I'm not going to do is complain to others when this happens. I promise.

I want the best for you. That's the main thing. I fancy myself a fan of a line I heard attributed to Bonhoeffer (paraphrasing I'm sure):

He who falls in love with his idea of community kills community wherever he goes. He who falls in love with those around him creates community wherever he goes.

Sorry if it's difficult having me around you sometimes.

Thank you for trying as you do to fall in love with me.

I'll try to do better.

dead horses and wild mustangs

"It's better to have to tame a wild mustang than it is to resurrect a dead horse"

Really?

I feel better about my failures as a leader now.

The dead horse is an indication that I haven't set clear expectations or evaluated performance to determine value.

The wild mustang is an indication that I haven't set clear expectations or evaluated performance to determine value.

Sometimes I might try to employ the wild mustang to kick some life into the dead horse.

But that only makes the dead horse start stinking.

Maybe I even prefer dead horses because they might be easier to manage.

Until I can overcome my anxiety of having people not like me by holding honest conversations with them:

"I was surprised when you (or you didn't)..."

"I didn't understand what you were trying to do when you (or didn't)..."

"We agreed that we would (or wouldn't)...and then you did (or didn't)..."

horses will continue to die and wild mustangs will continue to rampage.

Of course the fact is I or someone before me killed the horse with my cynicism, my micromanagement, my lack of appreciation of or understanding for, and my "keeping them off balance" strategy.

And I'm trying to make up for it by having wild mustangs tear down fences, throw people off, and require time and energy for corralling.

So, I guess, really:

"It's better to set the truly wild mustangs free, and to spend time teaching the tamable ones about bridles, reins, and spurs; and to honor the dead horses with a proper burial, and to spend time healing the sick ones so they can live a better life than it is to squander the truth and beauty that lies within those under the care of my leadership."

It doesn't roll off the tongue as easily, but it will probably make for a much more faithful ranch.

zoom in: core relationships

Peter Drucker defines a customer as anyone who can say "no". So if I subscribe to that, I now have lots more customers than I was previously aware of. People all around me can say no to what I am trying to do, to understand, and to engage with my passion.

If my boss is my boss, then I might pout when I feel like she is "manipulating an angle" to please a heavy hitting donor.

But if my boss is my customer and I'm sold out to customer service, then if an "angle" has to be worked, I'll work that angle like my "account" depended on it. I might not even try to figure out what the angle is or even acknowledge it, but I'll have a good idea how to work it. And I'll see how well it works out.

And if my colleague is just my colleague, I might try to "out wit, out last, and out play" so that more of my ideas get tread and I don't have to include him in collaboration.

But if my colleague (who has no real authority or position over me) is my customer, then I'll figure out what he is passionate about (even, or especially if I don't "get it" or even if I disagree with it or get digestion from it), and I'll find ways to incorporate it into what I'm doing and make my success dependent on it. I'll come up with some sort of customer satisfaction survey in my head (Even if it's a: "Hey, man, thanks for including me") and that'll be important to me.

Rule 1. The customer isn't always right.

Rule 2. The customer is never wrong.

Rule 3. You can't change rule #2.

Now. Let's really zoom in.

If I treat my wife like my wife, then I'll have a not bad marriage. We might end up in a couple counseling sessions, but there won't be any whispers of divorce or anything, though.

But, and this is weird, my wife is my customer. And I'm sold out to customer service. I don't get to flip the switch off when I come home. OK, maybe I can flip it off for 15 minutes or so. But then it's back on. I have to figure out what things are distractions for her and what things are valuable opportunities. I have to seek out time when we can just talk. I have to figure out what it is that she dreams about and how I can make those dreams come true. Yes, what I'm saying is that I have to treat her like a customer.

It's the most important account that I have.

And it's only a problem if I have been "treating my customers" aka engaging others in discipleship opportunities as a means to some end or as an angle to work.

Instead of engaging others in discipleship opportunities because that's what I was created to do.

I'm kinda scared either way.

Maybe it's a Lent thing.

John Maxwell's 5 levels of leadership and the coffee pot

1. Position

I'm the new kid on the block. Or maybe I'm the first one in most mornings. And I like coffee. Alot. So I always get the coffee going. In the 12 cup coffee maker. I've kinda become the default coffee guy. I keep the workroom stocked with coffee and supplies. It is what it is. We usually have coffee, supplies. It's kind of frustrating though, because I'm the only one who seems to really take an interest in it and show much initiative, though other people are regular coffee drinkers too.

2. Permission

People seem to appreciate the fact that coffee and supplies are kept in good stead and the coffee area is pretty much clean. I guess. I had this idea to go green and everything: provide mugs for people. This cut down on the number of cups we were using. People seemed to appreciate having their own mugs. I had a giganic thing of splenda that I got from Sam's at a good price. I could never use that much splenda at home, so I brought in some to share. People like it alot. It's so much better than the stuff in the pink packets. Every so often I bring in real creamer. It makes the coffee taste better. And then I made a nice neat sign that read: Be considerate: when the coffee runs out, make a new pot. People have started doing that. And the other day, somebody brought in some Ethiopian coffee. It really tasted good after the Maxwell house we usually have.

3. Production

Some of the folks who are the biggest coffee heads suggested we come up with a way to share the load of keeping up with the coffee area. We call ourselves the "Regular Joe's" and we have started rotating months to be sure everything is ship shape and supplies are kept up to date. Some people realized that some of the staff like tea better, so now we have a little tea pot (yes short and stout, HA) as well and we have teas and one of the Regular Joes started stocking us up with hot chocolate because she noticed some of the high school interns liked having that instead of coffee. Another one starting making ice coffee with the old coffee instead of throwing it out, and lots of people have appreciated that.

4. People Development

Hard to believe: one of the Regular Joes confided in me that her whole outlook on her job is better now because she helps with the coffee. She said she noticed the coffee making system in the facilities cafeteria might work for our break room. Turns out she got permission from our administrator to move ahead with the project. She has developed a sense of accomplishment. Small groups and others who used to have to buy coffee from Dunkin Donuts now can use coffee from this machine at a fraction of the cost. It has made coffee and hot drinks affordable and so much easier to make. The break room is alot cleaner and tidier.

5. Personhood

One of the Regular Joes who came to us as an intern is getting ready to take a job for a company in the Mid West and he's pretty excited about it. He said one of the most important lesson he learned from us, he learned watching our coffee service. The little pieces of relationship making over seemingly trivial things like coffee in the break room is what stuck with him the most. It's (relationship making, not necessarily coffee making) what he will focus on as he takes on a new position with lots of new responsibilities. I hope he's as good as project management as he was at keeping the coffee station clean and stocked with stirrers and marsh mellows in seasonal shapes (he got a kick out of watching his superior's children putting them in their hot chocolate).

For more: John Maxwell's book: Becoming A Person of Influence.

High Expectations and High Freedom

If you actually believe this group of people cobbled together by the committee on lay leadership (formerly known as the nominations committee) can... change the world:

If this group isn't comprised of atta-boys, or a means to get somebody off the schnide or to "keep peace in the family" by "sticking them on that team.":

If this is a group of people, that with the right guidance, clear communication, focus and direction is willing to submit to the burden of leadership and self identifying accountability:

If much is expected in terms of results, starting with what the desired results are:

If you have frequent blue sky sessions, familiarize yourself with the team's individual dreams and collective needs, wants and desires:

If you allow lay leaders to select and reject and guard with your (at least political) life against energy vampires:

Yours is a changed world:

High Expectation/High Freedom

•Humble leaders who seek first to understand

•Boundaries of church’s core values are understood, articulated, respected, loved, and when necessary adjusted

•Volunteers are inspired by a sense of purpose (vocation)

•Ministry Team engages membership in mission of the church

• “I can help make a difference”

•Culture of excellence

•Indifferent becomes different

•Events are understood as valuable opportunities or distractions and valuable opportunities are maximized and distractions are minimized

•Transfomation

•Art

•And what's more, you'll be a leader

Expectations: What do you really think those you serve are capable of? What is it you belief will happen as a result of your efforts?

Freedom: How much latitude you give your ministry team to lead, to set vision, purpose, mission, and values and to evaluate the results?

Low Expectations and Low Freedom

If you 1) really don't think the ministry team will do much or 2) you are not really sure what the purpose or direction of the ministry team is and you kinda of let them know that in any number of ways such as: not providing guidance or expecting them to meet very often and you find yourself really making of the decisions and the ministry team is really a rubber stamp, you might observe the following symptoms:

Low Expectation/Low Freedom

•“We’ve never done it that way,” say leaders

•Volunteers are sought to fill slots

•Ministry Team inactive

•“Nobody’s really doing anything”

•Mire of mediocrity

•"Whew a 20 minute ministry team meeting, that's a new record"

•Creativity and innovation are stagnant

•"We came in under-budget"

•Ministry is defined by what organizations and missionaries you support financially, not the number of people you have engaged in mission and ministry

Expectations: What do you really think those you serve are capable of? What is it you belief will happen as a result of your efforts?

Freedom: How much latitude you give your ministry team to lead, to set vision, purpose, mission, and values and to evaluate the results?

High Expectations and Low Freedom

If much is expected in terms of results, starting with what the desired results are, but you micromanage, and set the agenda without giving credence to the needs, wants, and desires of your ministry team, you might observe the following symptoms:

High Expectation/Low Freedom

•Autocratic leaders

•Volunteers serve out of legalistic obligation

•Ministry Team fulfills mission on behalf of church rather that engages the church in the mission

• Folks disengaged?: “We’re better off without them”

• Support of organization is paramount to support of the members of the organization

• "If you want an idea to die, give it to the staff"

• You spend more time working to get butts in the seats than facilitating ideas and discussions and sharing remarkable stories

•Tyranny of Excellence

Expectations: What do you really think those you serve are capable of? What is it you belief will happen as a result of your efforts?

Freedom: How much latitude you give your ministry team to lead, to set vision, purpose, mission, and values and to evaluate the results?

Low Expectations and High Freedom

If you don't really expect much from your ministry team, but give them lots of latitude, you might see a few things happen.

Expectations: What do you really think those you serve are capable of?

Freedom: How much latitude you give your ministry team to lead, to set vision, purpose, mission, and values.

If you have low expectations and so give your ministry team a level of high freedom, you can count on:

•Failure to identify/articulate focus (mission).

•Antagonism and a zero sum game outlook attitude among various ministry teams.

•Ministry team follows path directed by happiness of a few. You'll spend lots of time trying to mollify critics.

•“Everybody’s doing their own thing”.

•“Sometimes it's easier to say yes than to explain why you said no."

•Cancer of Chaos.

•You'll find train wrecks of leadership that serve the status quo's ability to control the initiative and creative process of the team.

• The more things change, the more things stay the same.

•Cynicism.

Do you trust your ministry team enough to believe they are capable of doing great things? Set clear expectations and give them room to work.

No?

Watch "The Fugitive" and enjoy trying to apprehend the escapees.