"Just" being selfish?

What if- the path to selflessness goes right through selfishness.

Not only- "I'm doing this because I want to and if others want to join me, great: but I'm doing it anyway."

[I've discovered this is much more rewarding than- "This thing I'm doing is really important and others (a lot of others) should think it's important too and why in a church this size do so few people think this thing is as important as I do?" but that's another story]

I'm talking about- "The reason I'm doing this is because it makes me feel good. The reason I want you to come around to my way of thinking is because it validates me. The reason I want you to participate in this event is because it makes me important. The fact that I'm accepted and needed is why I'm happy about a good turnout."

And what if, in a weird way- when I am able to accept this and embrace it: then I can do things and think things and have faith in things and believe things more selflessly.

What if- my true self is able to deal with my selfishness (false selfness) only when I

1. accept it

2..own it

3. take responsibility for it

4. don't regret it and repeat as necessary

What if- the more I try to convince others (and myself) that I are a team player, that I am doing this for others, that I am fulfilling a commission or a commandment, or I don't care who gets the credit, or that it was a God thing; the more it isn't?

Just imagine.

What if-