It sure must be difficult to work with me

I was thinking about how difficult and essential it is to let folks know that time after time they do things that cause grief in my life.

The conversation seems to be the same- I know you didn't mean for it to, but when you did this, it really seemed out of line or not professionally courteous. Then there's an apology and some hurt feelings and awkwardness. And then it happens again.

Which has me considering a strategy change.

Maybe I have to realize: that's how folks are and chances are they're not going to change because I have trouble understanding and appreciating their motivation and their inability to work within parameters that I call "professional courtesy".

Self-examination and self-correction provide the context for merciful correction.

Sounds like something out of the Bible.

So:

I realize how hard it must be for you to work with me. I seem to not care too much about the right answer or the final product. I'm more into the process. I like to put something on the board. Not the right something or the best something. Something. A prototype. And then I like to take an inventory of stake holders and see where some of their ideas are on the board. And then move along to something else that's a little different. And then repeat the process.

In your get-it-right,- get-it-done,-make-it-happen-and-check-it-off-world; that has to be maddening. I appreciate your patience. Would it help if I could do more seeking to understand what you think the destination is? Maybe that way I could at least be aware of it while I'm enjoying the journey so much?

I really think everything we as an organization do has someone responsible for leading it. And everyone on our team has someone responsible for serving them in leadership. I try not to sacrifice the empowerment and responsibilities of those leaders by circumventing or ignoring the leadership they are tasked with in order to get to the right solution faster.

You must feel like you are empowered to overstep and disregard these leadership responsibilities for the sake of making the organization better. I just can't operate that way and I'm not going to try. So I'll have to figure out what to do when you do that. Any pointers? If it's my stuff I can try to "swallow my pride" and decide that allowing you get into my kitchen (whether I invite you in or not) will ultimately make a better dinner. I know, though, it's making me seem distant and aloof. I'll try to be present even in this. One thing I'm not going to do is complain to others when this happens. I promise.

I want the best for you. That's the main thing. I fancy myself a fan of a line I heard attributed to Bonhoeffer (paraphrasing I'm sure):

He who falls in love with his idea of community kills community wherever he goes. He who falls in love with those around him creates community wherever he goes.

Sorry if it's difficult having me around you sometimes.

Thank you for trying as you do to fall in love with me.

I'll try to do better.