"Is this a valuable activity or a distraction?"
"For me it's white noise: total distraction."
"What about for Joe? Could I get Joe interested in this because he is interested in maybe building a network of support for that thing he is trying to do and this might be a way of kinda of doing that, maybe."
pause
"I think you might just be trying to be a [ministry] director."
He called me out. What my friend meant, and he was right, is: you're just trying to get behinds in the seats.
I like it when lots of people come out. Lots of reasons: my ego, it looks like I'm doing something important, etc. I like to think I am doing everything to honor the event organizer and the volunteers who work on it, but...
Sometimes I do get caught up on the event and having, at the very least, an OK event. And I guess that's sometimes counter to actually working on, providing, and engaging in discipleship growth opportunities.
"So it must be hard- what you are doing."
"What?"
"Being a [ministry] director and this other thing that you seemed to be trying to do."
"Wait, wait: what is this other thing?"
What is this other thing? And why does being a [ministry] director seem at cross purposes to it from the standpoint of an objective observer?
2 comments:
I disagree that your motive is to get butts in the seats. and I disagree that you're real interest is having an okay event. I think these are what your brain is telling you.
What you're really trying to do is matter. To make a difference. And it's really fricking hard to believe you're making a difference when no one shows and/or you are ignored.
Butts in seats = mattering. At least that's what we're really telling ourselves.
There is some level of the event failed, so I must be a failure.
This might be the entrepreneur leader in discipleship's thought.
But really that failed, what did I learn or that didn't go well, I'm sorry I wasted your time is probably healthier.
If events are about collective idea exchange I suppose there aren't too many failures.
Nothing matters.
It all matters.
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