pursurers and distancers

I have kind of joked with a few friends that this week I am going to find out how enlightened I am in as much as I am helping my sibs relocate my folks from florida to macon, ga to be closer to family. The joke is based on the fact that I have been trying to learn to be present, conscious, and aware--to live more of an examined life in the way of Jesus. To become enlightened. And the fact that a wise voice in this arena, Ram
Dass, is quoted "if you think you are enlightened, spend a week with your parents." I have learned that I am not very enlightened.

I have been visited today by my parents' neighbors-- a couple of them who have shared how much my parents have meant to them. It was strangely as nice to hear as when someone tells you what wonderful kids you have.

One of them in particular shared how much my parents love and devotion have inspired him. He is a full time caretaker of his wife who suffers from alheimer's and he seemed to have extra appreciation for my parents relationship because his wife in many ways has left him alone.

Although, the reason we are having to help my folks relocate is because my mother suffers from increasingly acute dementia.

It got me to thinking about what a therapist friend of mine describes as the pursurers and distancers of our relationships. Most of us take on both roles at one time or another throughout the course of our intimate relationships.

I bet at first my dad really pursued my mom. I've heard of stories of his courtship of her from brunswick to willacoochee ga. I'm sure as a well raised southern girl moma properly distanced and played hard to get.

I got a sense as I was growing up of him distancing. He was always first up from the dinner table and moma always tried to pursue with efforts at small talk on long car rides that he didn't often respond to.

But now it is my mom's dementia that is causing her to distance. And my dad? He has chosen to pursue her with a love, and grace, and patience, and kindness; the likes of which I have never seen from any man.

So I suppose I have found myself to be rather unenlightened, but learning more about it through the time spent with my parents.

I'm thankful for those who pursue through home made cards and notes scribbled on the inside of books given to me and KC+FC written on a steamed up bathroom mirror. Even during my best efforts at distancing.

And I pray for the faith of my father and for the love, grace patience, and kindness to pursue those who forget who they are in their distancing. For whatever reason.

Enlightenment?